I’m proud to say that I’m immune to (most) scary movies. I’ve been watching scary movies since I was in the single digit age era. Michael, Freddy, Jason are all just meh for me at this point. When I was little, my siblings and I used to rent all of the random scary movies at the local video store.
It was always an event to go to the video store because they had a small room dedicated to just scary movies. We of course based our decisions based on how scary the VHS cover looked like.
With all of my scary movie training and conditioning, it’s getting harder and harder as an adult to be scared by any scary movie. It’s much scarier at this point to be late for a meeting or forget where you put your phone. And dare I say that the old school Nintendo Friday the 13th video game is even scarier than any Jason Voorhies movie in recent memory? But I’m still a horror movie fan and I’m always down for another contender.
After years and years of scary movie watching, I’m starting to see the same tricks and gimmicks being lazily recycled as a check box on the list of must have scary scenes.
I just watched THE EXORCIST: BELIEVER and although I was one of the rare people who actually thought it was a solid modern day sequel to the 50-year-old original, the movie was still laden with one too many tropes. But then again, it seems like all scary movies these days think they must use the same tropes or they don’t count as scary movies.
But let me tell you this as a horror movie fan from when I was in kindergarten, we don’t need these same recycled gimmicks because they’re not scary! Here are some of the most unnecessary tricks that don’t lead to any treats.
Low wattage lighting
One of my biggest pet peeves is a lack of lighting. I especially HATE dim lighting or low wattage lighting (less than 100W). One time I subletted a friend’s apartment and the bathroom had what appeared to be 40W lightbulbs. I immediately replaced them all with newly purchased white 100W lightbulbs. All rooms should be lit with no less than 100W lightbulbs.
Whether it’s Insidious, The Conjuring, The Exorcist, The Boogeyman, Barbarian or whatever scary movie it is, it seems the people who exist in these movies don’t have enough lighting in their homes or don’t understand that you need better lighting for your home. I just finished The Boogeyman and the lack of lighting in the bedrooms, in the living room, in the kitchen, and all throughout the house really pissed me off.
It’s like we get it. The darkness is supposed to make it seem spookier, but I’ll tell you this, a ghost walking by is just as scary as it is with 100W lighting as it is with 40W lighting. Turn on the lights because it makes it hard to see anything that’s happening in these movies.
More blood and guts does not mean it’s more scary
One of the common traits of too many contemporary horror movies is the gore from poor victims being snuffed out by the monsters or entities. I saw the trailer for THANKSGIVING and it’s already turned me off because it thinks being scary means wiping people out in the most “innovative” and cruel way as possible.
The recent HALLOWEEN films went way overboard with the disgusting kills. I was ready to walk out in that one scene where all of the firefighters were killed. The original HALLOWEEN was considered a “slasher” film, but there’s that kind of minimal slashing versus today’s over the top FAST & FURIOUS horror movie slashing. And it’s just not scary. It’s just gross. Let’s stop with the equating of brutal kills with horror thrills. No more please.
It was all a dream
How many times do we need to go one foot in and one foot out with the scary scenes? Whenever I watch a horror movie and I get led on to think something has happened only for the character to wake up from a bad dream, I just want to go back to sleep so we can carry on with the scariness.
It’s disappointing as a viewer because usually the dream sequences are actually really scary. And they usually push the envelope of risk and anxiety that most scary movies these days are too timid to venture into.
These fake out dream sequences are like a wasted investment for the viewer. Either we’re going to go there or we don’t. So let’s quit it with the dream sequences.
Just kidding, it’s only me!
A sibling of the dream fake out is the best friend or neighbor randomly showing up and freaking everyone out. Because it’s always that person who is being a busy body and showing up on the doorstep without calling first or inviting themselves in to rummage around your house. The ghost has more manners than that, come on! If you’re going to freak me out, it better be the monster doing it or forget about it!
Double check the batteries and get regular car checkups
How many more times will the car suddenly not turn on or the battery in the phone or flashlight is about to die? I know cars are very expensive these days and car maintenance is a big expense, but come on now. Will a scary movie ever be brave enough to supply their characters with cars like from the FAST & FURIOUS? Or at least a brand new car that looks like it can handle being driven more than a block down the street?
And don’t get me started with the low battery issue. Just like my extreme pet peeve for bad lighting, I also HATE when a device has no battery power left or is low on battery. I stock up on all sizes of batteries and any device I own with a rechargeable battery is always at 100%. When I see this in a movie, I get more annoyed than the average viewer.
Tripping and falling
I know it happens, but I hate it when a character is trying to get away from the monster or ghost and then they suddenly trip and fall and that’s the end of it. Maybe it’s because I was and am an athletic person and even when I fall, my instinct is to get up and keep going. I can’t stand it when a character loses their balance and the monster gets an advantage. And it seems like most horror movie characters can’t run or walk without tripping and falling at least one point.
Aliens, monsters, and zombies don’t count
I tried watching NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU, but stopped after 20 minutes after I realized the no dialogue thing was going to keep going and the scary part of the movie was the alien invasion.
THE BOOGEYMAN was such a let down when I realized the thing that looks like some left behind alien was the alleged “boogeyman”. And I just never got around to those WALKING DEAD shows. And even now the axis of supernatural evil of Michael, Jason and Freddy are not scary anymore.
Horror is not a tangible or even understandable thing of our human world. It’s an uncomfortable feeling of the unknown. Michael Meyers was at his peak scariness whenever we thought he was there and not when he actually showed up.
Whenever there’s a new horror movie out and I see it features a “thing” that’s supposed to be the horror movie thing, I’m automatically not scared. We need to get back to the psychological aspect of what truly makes scary movies scary. Enough with the Chucky’s and Jigsaws and monsters and goblins.
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