LM23 Rating: A 70’s throwback to creepy horror flicks that just barely misses the mark
The Black Phone opens like another creepy 70’s horror flick, Halloween. Instead of Haddonfield, Illinois, we’re in some other sleepy suburb in Denver in 1978. And like Halloween, the main heroes and defenders are school kids while the adults are clueless and defenseless to the predator prowling the streets.
Are there no real cops and neighborhood watches around in the late 70’s
The main villain in The Black Phone also has a penchant for wearing a mask and he has several of them. To go along with his creepy facial accessories, he of course drives around town in a black van with black balloons.
As it’s 2022, everything is tracked and law enforcement is stacked with the latest technology and weapons. It’s hard to believe and understand that even in 1978, why there wouldn’t be more of a sense of urgency and awareness after at least five kids have gone missing. Sure, there's no iPhones or drones, but does anyone keep watch for anything? There’s even a known “description” of the child killer called “The Grabber," but there doesn't seem to be any manhunts happening.
When I first watched Halloween, I couldn’t understand why there weren’t SWAT team members, military, Law & Order types pounding the pavement looking to smoke Michael out from hiding and finish him off. Where were the neighborhood watch people and the community advocates that also line the streets when horrible things happen in the neighborhood?
The adults are clueless but the kids got it covered
Maybe this lack of adult supervision was on purpose for The Black Phone. As we see throughout the film, several kids get into bloody fights and without any adults intervening or doling out consequences. Finney (Mason Thames) and his younger sister Gwen (Madeleine McGraw) are themselves victims of child abuse at the hands of their father. He’s supposed to be a typical lower middle class dad of that era who works at the local nuclear plant and drinks on his off time. There is a very hard to watch scene where the dad repeatedly whips Gwen with a belt because she shared with the police her psychic dreams about the crimes that have been occurring. The police then confronted the dad at his workplace.
These dreams that aren’t just dreams are part of the twist to this scary movie. Gwen, like her now dead mom, possesses an ability to see what has happened to past victims. And the key to finding Finney lies with her and the other dead kids, not the dad or the cops.
High expectations let down by lack of character development and context
I had heard so many great reviews of The Black Phone and it’s a Blumhouse Production that I had very high expectations for the movie. If you guys didn’t know already, I’m nearly immune to scary movies as I’ve been watching them since I was little. Unlike Finney whose dad won’t let him watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, myself and my siblings were allowed to watch whatever we wanted.
I tried watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but it was too weird and boring. Too many horror movies are just filled with gore and screaming and that’s not scary to me. The Invisible Man, another Blumhouse production, was scary up until we find out that the guy is simply wearing a suit which makes him invisible.
Maybe it’s the deliberate low budgets of these high ROI scary Blumhouse films, but I find these productions to be very high on originality, but very low on context and character expansion. There’s a lot that goes on, but it’s almost like there’s a budget to adhere to and so we don’t have time to delve into why The Grabber (played by the creepy sounding Ethan Hawke) spends so much time grabbing kids.
Too many things don’t make sense like a crazy magician owning two homes
And I know it’s the late 70’s and it’s in a low cost region, but can a crazy magician own not one but two houses in the same middle class suburban neighborhood? I know it’s possible for families to own several houses on the same street as I grew up in such a family, but I don’t know about a single male being able to swing all that. And it doesn’t seem like The Grabber comes from a stable and wealthy family as there’s another twist to the story. His out of work brother, who likes to think of himself as an amateur true crime detective during his time between jobs, does drugs and is couch surfing at his brother’s house. You think the brother may save the day, but as he’s an adult in this movie, that is not the case.
I also am not certain about the lack of surveillance and security when there is a known serial killer of children on the loose. I’m certain that eventually someone in that small town would have spotted the weird black van because we all know people in small towns are always on neighborhood watch. A weird black van would not be able to escape the gossip girls and Karens in the neighborhood. And I’m certain with so many of the kids being from the same school, there would be extra patrols and insistence that children not be walking alone at any time.
The lack of a team effort from the ghost kids was disappointing
The core of the originality of The Black Phone is the psychic powers of Gwen and the ghostly revenge of the kids who perished before Finney. What was interesting is that not all of the spirts of the kids were very nice and helpful to Finney. Maybe they were angry they died and Finney still has a chance, but I thought it was a unique twist. You want this to be a kids versus adults fight, but it’s not entirely the case.
We do have to remember that these were kids, and so it was frustrating when Finney would attempt the escape suggestions from each individual kid. It’s strange, but after a while, the phone being able to ring doesn’t seem creepy anymore. Yes, the phone is disconnected and it’s obviously broken, but when it rings, you’re not bothered by it after maybe the third call.
Although I love the concept of this ghost revenge, I think it was a bit of a miss not to have the kids’ ghosts all be together working as a team. That’s what I was expecting as the commercial does show the five kids’ ghosts appear before Gwen, but in the movie, each ghost is calling independently and they do not know nor are aware of each other. This was a big mistake. Because the kid ghosts are all independent entities, this lack of cohesiveness is probably why it feels like the phone ringing each time is like a gimmick
We also don’t know if any of the ghost kids tried calling the other now ghost kids to give them tips to escape. We never quite understand why the phone starts ringing now and only for Finney. I thought maybe it’s because Gwen has her psychic powers and she is the connection between Finney and the ghost kids, but that is also not addressed in the movie. We also don’t know where these ghosts are lingering or what dimension they’re in. But they somehow are able to call the phone. The paranormal side of things is not explored and that was another big frustration for me.
The scary guy makes himself scary with a creepy collection of masks
Is The Black Phone scary? Not really. As I had predicted, any scary movie with little kids will never be scary because there’s little kids in the movie. Ethan Hawke is only “scary” because of the masks he wears. At the end when Finney knocks the mask off his face, he starts screaming as if his eyes and face is burning from the sunlight. We don’t know why this guy needs to wear masks all the time.
He sits with his mask on and shirt off in his kitchen just breathing heavily for long periods of time, but that doesn’t make sense because isn’t his brother in the living room? We never know much about the relationship between The Grabber and his brother, Max, except they’re close enough that The Grabber allows him to stay over while he’s out of work. But, not that close that The Grabber is fine with splitting his head with an axe when Max discovers Finney.
The Black Phone’s originality is not enough for it to be a good movie
I like the originality that The Black Phone is trying to bring, but the lack of character development in all of the characters from Finney, Gwen, The Grabber, and the ghost kids made it a bit boring.
The Grabber has not much going on with him besides his random one-liners and mask posing. It would have been better to see The Grabber when he’s out of the house and at work and see him interact with adults and society in general. We don’t even know how he plans his kidnappings or what exactly is going on in his evil mind.
As with Finney, we needed to see more of his present world allies fight for him. Besides Gwen, what does the dad have to say about all this? His teachers? His classmates? When Finney is freed and returns to school, his science lab partner and crush, doesn’t seem overly thrilled to see him. Her aloof demeanor is similar to how I felt as an audience member. You never really care about Finney because you don’t know much about him. Yes, he’s not really a fighter and he seems to be beat up a lot, but why? We don’t know. He’s just a kid who was kidnapped and he answers a black phone.
I don’t recommend spending money on a movie ticket to see The Black Phone. If it’s available to rent or stream, then I think that’s fine. But for those wanting jump scares and to feel creeped out by watching a horror movie on the big screen, there’s not much going on.
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